Short and Sweet!

Sometimes, it’s necessary for us to hurt the ones we love. In doing so, we can only hope to inspire them to reach beyond themselves and accomplish things they might otherwise have never thought possible. Godspeed? Indeed! :)

Music is Happiness

I realized something very important today.  Last night, I wrote a song and posted it to my SoundCloud account (http://soundcloud.com/epicjuicebox).  At work, a close friend of mine approached me and sang significant praise for my work.  While I was explaining to him how I composed and recorded the material on my own, a little light bulb shone over my head.  The skill I have to sit down with a guitar and create is not a skill that many people possess.  Answering questions about what, to me, seemed a rather elementary effort and explaining how I achieved such an explicitly impressive feat, I thought to myself, "I've really done something special here!"  It's not uncommon for me to undervalue my skills and abilities, but with this I feel I've done myself a great injustice.  To take a talent so unique and expressive as this and write it off as nothing extraordinary is the very definition of folly!

When people ask me to tell them something interesting about myself, the fact that I am a musician is not always the first thing that comes to mind.  Why is that?  Perhaps because I think I have a lot to learn yet.  That I'm nothing special.  Now, I'm not here to tell you, my readers, that I am God's gift to music - by any means.  On a given day, I would argue quite the contrary!  But situations like what occurred today occur more often than I give credit.  And for the longest time, I have unwittingly downplayed my gift.  No longer!

We all have something we're good at, and we all bring something to the table that nobody else can bring.  That's what makes us unique!  So my call to you today is to think about that one thing that sets you apart - that makes you who you are and that nobody on this earth could ever dream of emulating.  My call to you is to be PROUD of that one thing!  Because the second we forget how incredible our contribution to this life is, we begin to die.  And to die before your time is the greatest of all injustices...

That said, I'd like to dedicate this post to my brother, Adam.  His gift lives on with those of us who knew him best.  And I would consider myself fortunate that when my time came, those who knew me best would say the same thing of me.  I miss you, little brother!  We all do!

What is love?

For purely contemplative reasons, I've decided tonight to talk a bit about love.  No four letter word in the English language carries more weight, in my opinion.  Love builds us up, and just as easily tears us down.  It binds us.  And breaks us.  However, I think it's important to note that love means different things to different people.  Some of us love blindly, even recklessly.  Others with the utmost care or caution.  Regardless of how and why we choose to love, it bears to mention that in doing so we are all making a choice.  That choice is based on a series of complicated decisions and internal conversations.  Whether it takes us days or weeks, months or years to muster the courage to utter the word, we are each likely to do so at the indeterminate risk of absolute vulnerability.  And in that moment, we stand to experience either the most thrilling of highs, or the lowest of crippling lows.  For me, that moment is the first true test of love.  But through its passing is born the most difficult test of all... that of nurture and sustenance, commitment and longevity.  I'll quote one of my all time favorite movies by saying that, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."  [Name that movie!]  Then, I'll offer that to learn this valuable lesson means to first understand what love means to you.  Inside and out.  As again, that definition can vary greatly from person, to person, to person, ad nauseum (I assure you, no pun intended)!

That said, let's explore together what love means to this occasional blogger and enthusiast on the matter.  I'll begin by sharing first what I feel that love 'is not':

Love is not a fairy tale.  It rarely comes easy, and the cost can be astronomical.  Some say love is fleeting, but I disagree.  On the contrary, I'd argue that love in its purest form is everlasting!  Why those who feel that it comes and goes are likely to feel as such, I'd wager, is because they are unwilling or unable to put forth the considerable amount of effort necessary to keep the fire burning.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: there is a difference between feeling 'in-love' and truly knowing or giving love (in the unconditional sense, at least).  I'll go a step further by saying that - in my opinion - the primary reason more than half of all marriages end in divorce these days might just be that so few of us really and truly understand this difference.  All it takes is a spark to light the fire.  But that fire will not burn forever without constant care and attention - especially if the environment and conditions surrounding the flame are inconsistent or unstable.  Further, love is not merely a mood to be lumped in with happy or elated, downtrodden or depressed.  Rather, it is an ideal or value which transcends emotion, and underlies all things!

I stand that having a firm grasp on what love 'is not' is essential to understanding what love 'is'.  My thoughts on this flip-side of the coin are as follows.  Love, to me, 'is':

Letting your guard down.  Making your heart available.  Feeling safe and secure.  Nurturing dreams and fighting away demons.  Accepting others' faults and admitting your own - fearlessly.  Reserving harsh judgment.  Offering guidance.  Taking a leap and trusting that you WILL be caught.  Keeping warm on a cold night.  Looking forward, never backward.  Falling down and getting back up.  Learning to fly.  Landing together.  Finding strength and sharing weakness.  Having fun.  Hoping.  And caring more for someone else than you do for yourself.  I'll be honest, I could go on for days.  But you get the idea!

Do I practice what I preach?  Maybe not all the time.  But would I say I'm in love?  You bet your ass I would!  <3  Your homework assignment this week is to take a moment and reflect on what love means to you.  But please, don't feel like you have to use so many words!

Our Days, Comfortably Numbered

Generally speaking, when we think about our comfort zones, we're thinking about a place where we feel safe and secure.  But what we often forget is that the comfort zone can be a dark and dangerous place where we unwittingly shield ourselves from personal growth and development.  We miss out on new and exciting experiences because we're afraid to stray too far from our happiest of places.  Further, renaming our comfort zones as such - to call them our happy places - can intensify the damage a thousand fold.  The words 'comfortable' and 'happy' aren't even remotely close to being interchangeable, yet we do it all the time.  I do it all the time.  And this is a lesson I should've learned a long time ago...

Now, to say that I'm living within my comfort zone at present is just about as far from the truth as one could possibly traverse.  Anyone who's ever been in a similar situation has almost certainly entertained the thought of going back.  Curling up into a nice, warm little ball and drifting off into what I might go so far today as to call a state of hibernation.  I've been in these situations before - countless times - and I've entertained such thoughts to be sure.  But not this time.  This time, I feel differently.  Like the first time I stepped into a toy store as a child.  The world just looks alive - busting at the seams with color, light, and life!  To pass up an opportunity to explore this world would be a grave mistake... so off I go!

I don't know how often my readers go on adventures of their own, but I encourage you if it's been awhile to maybe give it a go.  Try something simple - like walking your dog without shoes, or going to a different grocery store.  If you go for the latter, try buying something you wouldn't normally buy.  Or better yet, don't buy anything you've ever bought before.  Change brands.  Change habits.  Change hearts.  Change lives!  I'd be willing to bet every ounce of my self-worth that the bigger the change, the bigger the adventure.  They say you only live once.  But I dare to say that some among us never live at all.  Don't let that be you!

When Life Gives You Lemons

There are entire schools of thought devoted to the idea that forgiveness is an imperative.  But there are times when it can be very difficult to abide by this unwritten rule - and if I may be so bold, I'd wager that each and every person who reads this entry has experienced at least once in their life a time when forgiveness seemed more than a step shy of impossible.  [Present company most certainly NOT excluded!]  However, tonight I was thinking on the subject and I had a bit of an epiphany: what if the only reason we perpetuate these grudges - whether they be inflicted by a person, a circumstance, dumb luck, or what have you - is because we refuse to forget them.  We hold onto them, we feel them day in and day out, fight and even burn for them - sometimes to the extent that we do massive, almost irreparable damage to our own lives and the lives of those we hold dear.  We breathe life into them.  Resuscitate them.  And we do this because we feel like to we have to stick to our guns!  We can't show weakness!  We were wronged, and the universe owes us an apology!

[Assuming an apology would even be enough, right?!]

Anyway.  I don't think it's necessary to feel this way.  So I'd like to try an experiment.

I've been through a lot in the last year, and I'd be remiss to act like I didn't feel like I was wronged in one way or another.  Whether that's true or not is beyond me to decide, and to be honest I'm exhausted to death for thinking so much about it.  At this point, I don't want any apologies.  I don't want revenge.  And for the first time in a long time, I feel comfortable admitting that I don't want things set right either.  My life.  Right now.  This instant.  Is a culmination of all the events that led up to it!  And I may not be exactly where I want to be, have the things I want to have, or even be the person I think I am.  But I don't think holding onto these old, rotten lemons is going to do myself or anyone else a bit of good!  I've analyzed them.  Looked at them from every angle.  I've called in experts.  Talked with friends.  I've worn them on my sleeve more times than I like to admit.  Aut now, they've dried up and molded to the point that I can't even tell they used to be lemons.  I think it's time to throw them away.  Time to stop perpetuating the grudge and just forget about them!

Now, does that mean forgiving them?  Not necessarily.  But maybe it's through forgetting that we free ourselves up to allow time - and perhaps powers beyond our control - to forgive these things on our behalf.  To be clear, I'm also not saying let's forget they ever existed.  Instead, let's acknowledge their existence here and now, take stock of what we learned from them, and simply put them behind us - carrying our learnings forward!  Sounds easy, right?  Debatable.  Probably not, actually.  But it's certainly a hell of a lot easier than the alternative, eh?  Tell you what, I'll let you know how it goes - how about, let's say, one year from today!

As always, I hope someone somewhere gets something out of this.  Until next time...

All Dressed Up and Down

When life isn't going exactly the way we'd like, it can be difficult to find the strength to pick ourselves up and keep on going.  There are times when simply staying in and curling up with a good book or shutting down while the characters from our favorite shows fill the room with familiar voices offers the just the right level of comfort and solace.  In times like this, it's often said that withdrawing from your friends and loved ones is the last thing you want to do... but I don't know how true I find this statement.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with taking a night off from life to unwind and try to forget about all those things that are weighing us down.  To escape from time to time.  Just like our laptops and cell phones reach that critical, low battery threshold now and then - begging us to plug them in and let them recharge - our bodies and minds require breaks.  And we would be remiss not to allow ourselves respite.

On the flip side, I think it's important to remember that getting out and mixing it up is how we build our support systems.  The friends we make through various societal meanderings.  The important contacts we acquire by hobnobbing and networking.  These are vital relationships that can act as insurance, offering unparalleled peace of mind.  The knowledge that we will never have to face our problems alone.  At times, we may not feel capable of getting cleaned up, fixing our hair, putting on our favorite outfits, and faking smiles in spite of life.  We may not even feel that reaching out to these people will do us any good when the chips are down and the gears start to grind.  Regardless, we can count on our support systems: friends, family, coworkers, and even at times those fringe acquaintances who surprise us by reaching out and letting us know they care.  These systems - a product of our social interactions and careful cultivation of interpersonal relationships - are always there!

I'm guilty of sometimes forgetting this.  Taking it for granted, even.  Especially when things are good my perceived need for support is comparatively limited or non-existent.  But on my worst days, I know that all I have to do is say the word and in moments I'll be reaping the incomparable reward of all that preparatory socializing.  Networking.  Conversing.  Shaking hands and introducing.  Sending friend requests.  Following.  Recognizing, smiling, and waving.  This is how we come to know the people we know, and grow to be able to count on them when we need a helping hand.

So the moral of the story?  If you have the energy, go out!  Make friends.  Meet new people.  Keep developing your closest networks and nurture those all-important family connections.  Get cleaned up, fix your hair, put on your favorite outfit, and smile like you f*ckin' mean it!  And when you need to recharge, by all means recharge.  We'll all still be here when you're ready to come back out and play!

Ours Is Not To Be Perfect

Every whole is made up of nothing more than the sum of its many parts.  To take away even the tiniest thing - be it a secret or a fear, a fret or a single cell of fat - would leave you with something less than what was.  Or even what could be.  The promise of a whole becomes a painting - nearly complete - now stashed away behind a pile of miscellany in some unknown artist's loft.  A song without a chorus.  Shallow and incomplete.

Suffice it to say that to be whole is absolutely not akin to being perfect; for there are boundless imperfections to be found in all manner of pretty things.  Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper - as it has been handed down through the years - is all but weathered and ruined.  Yet people from all over the world travel great distances to stand in a room and simply gaze upon it.  Marvel at it.  The truth herein is undeniable.  The sum of its parts.  Rife with imperfections.  Remains whole.  Cherished and complete.

By this design, there is a certain beauty that comes with imperfection that can be lost as we seek to replace character and depth with prime and polish.  Ask any Star Wars fan whether they prefer the original theatrical trilogy to its 'Special Edition' re-release that came about in 1997, and you'll undoubtedly hear the truth.  Ask anyone fortunate enough to observe Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam as it graced the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel before its refinement was commissioned in 1979, and again you'll likely hear the truth.

The application of this truth is perhaps best suited to self image.  Every day, many of us race toward perfection at a pace that all but completely drains us.  Some of us toil ceaselessly to reach nigh unattainable goals, while others simply buckle under the pressure and lose their lust for life.  The ripples created in the process at times become like tidal waves, breaking unexpectedly over connections far removed from the source of the struggle.  A struggle which often lies within.  Shakespeare himself could not have written a greater tragedy.

I feel like I ought to close this entry by clarifying that I do NOT feel as though all attempts at self improvement are without merit.  Rather, what I hope to leave you with is that perhaps it wouldn't hurt to stop and listen to what our audience has to say about whether or not we should pursue these things so fervently.  We should ever remember the lesson brought to us by George Lucas (and the far more obscure Gianluigi Colalucci): sometimes we deliver a package that brings the world to its knees.  To take it away, change it dramatically, and attempt to redeliver it is not always likely to produce the same feelings or emotions solicited by the original.  Perhaps to be perfect is to be imperfect.