There are entire schools of thought devoted to the idea that forgiveness is an imperative. But there are times when it can be very difficult to abide by this unwritten rule - and if I may be so bold, I'd wager that each and every person who reads this entry has experienced at least once in their life a time when forgiveness seemed more than a step shy of impossible. [Present company most certainly NOT excluded!] However, tonight I was thinking on the subject and I had a bit of an epiphany: what if the only reason we perpetuate these grudges - whether they be inflicted by a person, a circumstance, dumb luck, or what have you - is because we refuse to forget them. We hold onto them, we feel them day in and day out, fight and even burn for them - sometimes to the extent that we do massive, almost irreparable damage to our own lives and the lives of those we hold dear. We breathe life into them. Resuscitate them. And we do this because we feel like to we have to stick to our guns! We can't show weakness! We were wronged, and the universe owes us an apology!
[Assuming an apology would even be enough, right?!]
Anyway. I don't think it's necessary to feel this way. So I'd like to try an experiment.
I've been through a lot in the last year, and I'd be remiss to act like I didn't feel like I was wronged in one way or another. Whether that's true or not is beyond me to decide, and to be honest I'm exhausted to death for thinking so much about it. At this point, I don't want any apologies. I don't want revenge. And for the first time in a long time, I feel comfortable admitting that I don't want things set right either. My life. Right now. This instant. Is a culmination of all the events that led up to it! And I may not be exactly where I want to be, have the things I want to have, or even be the person I think I am. But I don't think holding onto these old, rotten lemons is going to do myself or anyone else a bit of good! I've analyzed them. Looked at them from every angle. I've called in experts. Talked with friends. I've worn them on my sleeve more times than I like to admit. Aut now, they've dried up and molded to the point that I can't even tell they used to be lemons. I think it's time to throw them away. Time to stop perpetuating the grudge and just forget about them!
Now, does that mean forgiving them? Not necessarily. But maybe it's through forgetting that we free ourselves up to allow time - and perhaps powers beyond our control - to forgive these things on our behalf. To be clear, I'm also not saying let's forget they ever existed. Instead, let's acknowledge their existence here and now, take stock of what we learned from them, and simply put them behind us - carrying our learnings forward! Sounds easy, right? Debatable. Probably not, actually. But it's certainly a hell of a lot easier than the alternative, eh? Tell you what, I'll let you know how it goes - how about, let's say, one year from today!
As always, I hope someone somewhere gets something out of this. Until next time...
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