For purely contemplative reasons, I've decided tonight to talk a bit about love. No four letter word in the English language carries more weight, in my opinion. Love builds us up, and just as easily tears us down. It binds us. And breaks us. However, I think it's important to note that love means different things to different people. Some of us love blindly, even recklessly. Others with the utmost care or caution. Regardless of how and why we choose to love, it bears to mention that in doing so we are all making a choice. That choice is based on a series of complicated decisions and internal conversations. Whether it takes us days or weeks, months or years to muster the courage to utter the word, we are each likely to do so at the indeterminate risk of absolute vulnerability. And in that moment, we stand to experience either the most thrilling of highs, or the lowest of crippling lows. For me, that moment is the first true test of love. But through its passing is born the most difficult test of all... that of nurture and sustenance, commitment and longevity. I'll quote one of my all time favorite movies by saying that, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." [Name that movie!] Then, I'll offer that to learn this valuable lesson means to first understand what love means to you. Inside and out. As again, that definition can vary greatly from person, to person, to person, ad nauseum (I assure you, no pun intended)!
That said, let's explore together what love means to this occasional blogger and enthusiast on the matter. I'll begin by sharing first what I feel that love 'is not':
Love is not a fairy tale. It rarely comes easy, and the cost can be astronomical. Some say love is fleeting, but I disagree. On the contrary, I'd argue that love in its purest form is everlasting! Why those who feel that it comes and goes are likely to feel as such, I'd wager, is because they are unwilling or unable to put forth the considerable amount of effort necessary to keep the fire burning. I've said it before and I'll say it again: there is a difference between feeling 'in-love' and truly knowing or giving love (in the unconditional sense, at least). I'll go a step further by saying that - in my opinion - the primary reason more than half of all marriages end in divorce these days might just be that so few of us really and truly understand this difference. All it takes is a spark to light the fire. But that fire will not burn forever without constant care and attention - especially if the environment and conditions surrounding the flame are inconsistent or unstable. Further, love is not merely a mood to be lumped in with happy or elated, downtrodden or depressed. Rather, it is an ideal or value which transcends emotion, and underlies all things!
I stand that having a firm grasp on what love 'is not' is essential to understanding what love 'is'. My thoughts on this flip-side of the coin are as follows. Love, to me, 'is':
Letting your guard down. Making your heart available. Feeling safe and secure. Nurturing dreams and fighting away demons. Accepting others' faults and admitting your own - fearlessly. Reserving harsh judgment. Offering guidance. Taking a leap and trusting that you WILL be caught. Keeping warm on a cold night. Looking forward, never backward. Falling down and getting back up. Learning to fly. Landing together. Finding strength and sharing weakness. Having fun. Hoping. And caring more for someone else than you do for yourself. I'll be honest, I could go on for days. But you get the idea!
Do I practice what I preach? Maybe not all the time. But would I say I'm in love? You bet your ass I would! <3 Your homework assignment this week is to take a moment and reflect on what love means to you. But please, don't feel like you have to use so many words!
Well written E.J.!! :)
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