I have a problem - an understatement if ever there was such a thing. I am experiencing a crisis of faith. Of hope. And of love. All that remain, and all called to question. I'll spare you, my readers, the details that have rattled me so, suffice it to say that I find myself looking ever upon a person to set my mind at ease. The tragedy here is that I know better. I chase rabbits knowing that I could never catch one. Not on my own. I see enemies where I should see friends. And I die when I should live. They say the first step to recovering from a problem is admitting that you have one. But they don't tell you that you're bound to stumble repeatedly along the way. Believe me, friends, when I say that my body and soul are battered and bruised. I have stumbled more than any man should stumble - any man, that is, who knows so well the better as I do.
I don't pretend to know where I'm going. What I'm doing. Not anymore. How can any of us know when we are so fatally flawed by nature? The comfort here is that we don't have to know. Because He knows. We need only to learn to have faith in Him. And to let Him do what He does. It's not an easy lesson, but it's one that I keep coming back to over and over again. One I pray every day that I'll learn. And God willing, that I'll learn before it's too late.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen."
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O LORD my God are the wonders you have done. The things planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them they would be too many to declare." -Psalm 40: 1-5
ReplyDeleteKing David, a guy who God called "A man after my own heart" struggled greatly with a number of things including adultery and murder. I take comfort in knowing that it's not about what we have done, or the mistakes that we've made, but how we recover in humility. You are on the right path my friend.